Unsteady

So. Today is Sunday and I'm getting more and more anxious to have this babY! I'm feeling more and more contractions every now and then but not enough to go to the hospital. I'm really hoping my water will break anytime soon.

So many things are really running through my head right now. One is with Otto. Sometimes I feel like he's so immature. Is he really ready to handle having 2 kids with his busy lifestyle of wanting to go hang out with friends or go to the bar? I mean i understand every once in a while, it's not a bad thing, but when you're gone all day already, and you come home and STILL feel the need to be out and about with random people other than your family, I think that's when priorities come into effect. It really makes me think of all the shit that i have to go through. Here I am, pregnant, taking care of the house, making a living for my family and always at home and I feel like I don't even have a husband that's willing to help me. He really is living the life man. He doesn't have to work, cook, clean or anything. He goes where he wants, uses my car, my money. I don't know how to put an end to all this but i'm really just about fed up. I want to be with someone mature. Who knows how to balance out personal life and family life. Someone who's okay with staying home with his family (especially if he knows his wife's water can break at any moment) and someone who's willing to do whatever to make an income and provide for his family. That's all I ever asked for. Is it really THAT hard? I can see a big change when it comes to me. I mean, i cook, i clean, i work AND i pay as much of the bills i can with just my income. I don't know. I just know that he doesn't even know how lucky or good he has it.

I have a doctors apt. in the am and here i am blogging my feelings away. I guess it's better than getting all anxious about it though. I really feel like i'm growing up and really am trying to tackle all the responsibilities that life gives me. I just wish i had a partner who feels the same way. Someone who doesn't just "talk the talk" but "walks the walk." I'm so sick of someone saying this is what they feel and this is what's going to happen but in the end, none of it pushes through and actions AREN'T spoken louder than words. MAN UP!

Jan. 2009

Hello Hello. So it's finally 2009. A new year and i really thought that this year would start off SOO much better than it has. As most of you all know, i'm having my baby girl this month which i'm super excited about! I'm so nervous about labor and all that but i guess it's normal to be nervous. I had my baby shower yesterday (thanks for all that made it and for all that gave gifts!) and we talked about how to become a "spiritually successful mother." It was actually really good. I learned a lot from other mothers. I think patience goes a long way when you're a mother, but we'll see.

So i've been stressed out lately once again. For once in my life I would really LOVE to feel stress free but it just never seem to happen for me. If it's not one thing it's always another and i get so freaking tired of it. Sometimes, I just wanna give up but i can't.. for my kids. It's a struggle day after day after day. . . Each hurdle is a learning experience though.


Patience Patience Patience.